Put A Cup In It

Smart Vagina: Are you ready?

Smart Vagina: Are you ready? #satireLadies and gents (with vaginas) you may want to have a seat.  What I’m about to say is going to blow you away and I don’t want to be responsible for any trips to the ER.

Now you can say “there’s an app for that” for your vagina too.  

Welcome to the world of the “smart vagina.” You’ve heard of Smart Cars, Smart TV’s. Smart Phones, even the Smart Home. Now thanks to a few enterprising and opportunistic scientists we can start saying that we are proud owners of a Smart Vagina.

The menstrual cup has gone 2015 with a few additions that can now make our lives richer. LoonCup, a menstrual cup start-up from LoonLab, decided to solve a few problems we vagina owners never knew we had. As with all the best inventions, common sense is no longer needed to use this product. The GPS has rendered me completely useless and now I drive in circles if the car tells me to. Now I can also ignore my own body’s signs and let an app tell me about my period.

SO what is this “smart menstrual cup” and why do I need one?

According to their Kickstarter page the Loon (another word for crazy, CRAZY if you DON’T want one that is!) is going to revolutionize periods and make them happier and healthier. How you ask? By tracking menstrual flow through their sensors (triaxial, RGB and force) tucked into the base alongside a Bluetooth antenna.

The Loon Cup makes your vagina smarter by:

  • Automatically checking your menstrual cycle
  • Tracking your Menstrual Fluid Volume
  • Analyszing your Menstrual Fluid Color

It does these things using the sensors mentioned above. The antenna is placed in the stem… the people creating this magical device have obvious menstrual cup experience since we all know the stem is a piece of the cup that is vital for all of us to keep in tact. Just kidding…. the majority of us trim the stem but you won’t be able to do that with the Loon Cup. If the cup is too long sucks for you.

Because of the “smart” aspect of the cup you won’t get as much for your money with the LoonCup. Dumb menstrual cups last 1-5 years. Smart Cups last 6 months and the batteries in the cup cannot be recharged so you have to buy more than 1 to get through 1 year+ Small price to pay for that smart vagina I say. Bonus: you will also begin picking up local AM radio stations with your vagina antenna and can listen to the local Little League games anywhere you go!

So folks…. if you want your Apple Watch to remind you in your next business meeting that it’s time to for a change because “your cup runneth over” (look for the app to allow you to change your notifications to this song in the next update!) run over and pledge to support the Kickstarter.

As of this post it is at 25k of their 40k goal. Cups ship in January 2016 if they reach the goal and you can make your vagina smart with the small investment of $40.

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